When your heart is too tired for Eros

This past week, I’ve been feeling the existential pain of the world more strongly than usual. At the same time, I’ve had some intense weeks, deeply in life, with my partner and friends, and I’ve slipped into a familiar pattern for my highly sensitive soul: overusing my heart.

This isn’t a new place for me, but today a new way of relating to it emerged during my inquiry with Hannah.

My usual medicine for almost everything is tuning into my jewelforce—the alchemizing power of eros. Not as a way to gloss over difficult feelings; those familiar with my work know that eros can only arise from being true with what is. Rather, bringing eros into the darkness of pain is like bringing a warm, guiding light—helping you actually dare to meet the pain, instead of getting stuck in superego loops that hover above it.

But for this specific state of a stretched, tired heart, eros doesn't work. Because eros is so deeply intertwined with the heart, trying to move through pain with it in this state only adds more activity for the heart to cope with.

What Hannah and I realized is that there’s a different, more potent movement: leaning into my black panther and black jewel. When I do, it feels as if she comes to stand beside and around my heart, both protector and companion, leaning into the world for me while my heart rests and recovers.

This realization was profound. I can keep engaging with the world and my work through my black panther rather than either collapsing into my super ego (who wants me to retreat) or trying to source eros from a weary heart.

There is so much wisdom in the feminine waiting to be uncovered and lived. So here I am, leaning into my work and into the world, fueled by my black panther. She may not be as fully seductive as my eros and glitterfrequency, but she is fierce — and she knows this work is profoundly important and truly epic.

The true story of the Feminine

I am writing this from our campervan on the way down to one of my jewelsisters in southern Sweden as the last thing I do before I check out for some lush weeks of Summer.

This spring has been a whirlwind. As the paradigm shift accelerates, the intensity in the world is rising — and so too is the call of the feminine.

I have spent a lot of my time since January on doing research for and writing my book on Lifeforce Leadership. I am now 90 000 words in and about 80% done with the first draft. It is such a deep ride - the book is writing me as much as I am writing it.

I am attempting to tell the story of the Feminine and Feminine leadership in a way that can help us navigate the current paradigm shift in the most constructive and life-affirming way. It is as challenging as it is fascinating.

There are so many competing narratives about the Feminine right now. There is everything from the many women in the feminine awakening space who overly romanticize the past with stories of how "everything was better before patriarchy," disregarding what the evolution of technology has meant for our living standards and without recognising that many pre-patriarchy tribes included brutal elements like blood sacrifice rituals.

Then there’s the narratives from technocratic men who believe the world can be measured and calculated, everything can be solved with better technology, completely missing the value and necessity of feminine wisdom in creating truly thriving systems—busy building a data and algorithm Skinner's box world that can lead to nothing but an inhumane and authoritarian society.

There is also the relentless pendulum swing of modern feminism and “anti-feminism” we’ve witnessed over the past century: women stepping into masculine energy, followed by a backlash that reduces the feminine to narrow ideals of the “good mother” or the “ideal woman.” From the "Yes we can" era after the world wars, to the domestic ideal of the 1950s housewife; from the boss girl phenomenon of the 90s, to today's backlash into the soft girl aesthetic. Neither adopting masculine energy nor shrinking into a limited, curated version of the feminine is a true expression of her full power.

What I'm trying to do is write a helpful story that looks honestly at both the Masculine and the Feminine, where we have come from and where we are going. What aspects of the feminine have been suppressed and need reclaiming, and what new evolutions of feminine leadership we need to embody now—based on the evolution of consciousness our species has achieved.

The internet age is fundamentally questioning much of the Enlightenment thinking our western world has been built upon—an enlightenment that systematically demolished feminine wisdom and power through organized religion and industrial society. The internet age is like a lush, deep, seductive call for the return of the feminine that can call in a more mature and evolved masculine.

It is true that lost feminine wisdom and power needs to be reclaimed, but it is also true that this wisdom and power simultaneously needs to evolve to match where we are now as a species. We have the opportunity to move from the childlike relationship to the Great Mother that characterized the magical worldview and blood sacrifice matriarchies of the tribal nomadic age, into what is now possible: an adult relationship to the feminine with full agency and full devotion. This evolution—this possibility of stepping into mature feminine wisdom and power—deeply and divinely excites me.

I approach this work with deep humility — but I honestly can’t imagine anything more worthwhile to dedicate my time to. With the threat of nuclear weapons, declining birth rates in the West, and the climate crisis, it feels clear to me: if we don’t find our way back into right relationship between the feminine and the masculine — I believe we’re finished as a species.

But when we do get the relationship right — holy fuck. I recently hosted a polarity exploration with six women who have spent the past 5–8 years powerfully reclaiming their feminine, and four men standing strong in their grounded masculine leadership. Together, we explored what happens when feminine and masculine leadership meet in exquisite creative tension in a work/collaboration context. The field we built between us was so alive. Witnessing what becomes possible when we truly dare to lean in fills me with a deep hope for the future we are capable of building.

The Seduction of Eros, Appraisal of the Matriarch and the Phallic gaze

Something has clicked for me recently about men, masculine development, and where we women often miss the mark. The past weeks have brought me deeper into what Bard and Söderqvist call the "phallic gaze"—and its essential role in the journey from boy to man.

What is the phallic gaze?

The phallic gaze is the vital drive for men generated by elder masculine leadership. It manifests through the holding masculine's relentless pursuit of deeper wisdom and integrity, and the creating masculine's commitment to building, protecting, and providing even better than those who walked before him.

The phallic gaze is the challenge and guidance provided by elder men to younger men that challenges them to leave boyhood behind and to truly become men, live purposeful lives, and contribute to something larger than themselves.

I believe we severely underestimate how crucial it is for men to have this eldership—to receive direction, inspiration, challenge, accountability, and motivation to become the best men they can be. I see so many women, myself included at times, deeply not understanding this importance. Instead, we want men to come closer to the feminine, to better understand our world.

While there's truth that many traditionally masculine functions are being automated by computers and AI—and that successful men will need to integrate feminine capacities to thrive in our increasingly networked world—there's an equally important truth we're overlooking: Men need the encouragement and strict accountability of older, stronger, and wiser men to make the journey from boy to man.

We live in a world of boys. Some men think they don't need elder men to guide them—that they can do it all themselves and know best. Others believe they don't need to put in the work required to both deserve and have the capacity to meet the feminine in her fullness.

But it is only a powerfully mature masculine that is able to meet the powerful feminine. A boyish man just wants the love of the feminine (mother) without having to prove himself worthy to the fierce matriarch. A mature man knows that the most epic experience in life is to fully show up and provide from his powerful masculine—because it is only then that he truly earns the respect from his brothers, is leading a life worth living and gets to dance in eros with the feminine.

And here's where we women often get it wrong: When we meet these boyish men with open arms—"Yes, come be in and around the feminine with us"—they simply remain boys. They never become men.

This backfires on us profoundly. Boys only long for the perfect mother, not the powerful feminine. It is only mature authentically powerful men who truly want us to stand in our radiant erotic intelligence, our fierce natural intelligence, and our deeply powerful mystic intelligence.

In a constructive, flourishing system, formal roles of leadership and power are held by the holding masculine (ensuring wisdom and clarity), the creating masculine (ensuring action), and the natural intelligence matriarch of the feminine (ensuring both masculine leaders are truly serving the greater whole). Meanwhile, the seduction of erotic intelligence and the intuition of mystic intelligence typically don't hold formal positions in the "outer official power" structure, but hold most of the power in the "inner intangible power structure" - the seduction of eros that is driving everything and the deep mycelium wisdom of the mystic intelligence that is weaving everything together. All of these nodes or fields of power keep the others in check and create an epic dance of creative tensions.

Boyish men who have not undergone the trials of proving to their elders that they are equipped and ready to lead will never be able to contribute the masculine leadership needed. They will also be the biggest opposers of the fierce matriarch and the most seductive and intuitive female leaders—because these women remind them, consciously or unconsciously, of the work they have not done and the eros and aliveness they will never receive from the feminine.

The easiest way for a man to remain a boy is to make the epic adult dance of feminine and masculine sinful or wrong. This explains the horrific systematic suppression of female sexuality and spiritual wisdom throughout our western history. The only expression of the feminine such a man can approve of is the unconditionally loving mother who never demands that he grow up.

The separation from mother must happen. And even if the seduction of eros is what the true masculine lives and leads in service of, this separation cannot happen through the feminine—it requires the phallic gaze, the masculine lineage, the mature male leaders who hold the standard and demand the journey of maturation.

I would love to hear how this lands with you.

Love,

Fanny

Eros Feminism and the right wing Masculine

I had a really inspiring conversation with Lovisa the other week when discussing her article about the feminine and masculine and left and right wing politics, followed by an email conversation on the same topic with a new male friend. In his reply he wrote:

She (Paglia) was pro-male for a feminism that hated men. You are pro-female for a masculinity that hates women.

We were discussing Paglia and his remark feels so spot on. The first wave of feminism championed women's rights, but over time, it evolved into a stance that was increasingly pro-woman and anti-male. In the past 10 to 20 years, a counter-movement has emerged, consisting of men who advocate for the masculine and men but harbor an underlying disdain for women (the angry feminists). Alongside this, there has emerged a feminism that is pro-male, yet still lacks Eros (ex Paglia). To be fair to Paglia, I do think she to a large extent includes eros in her worldview of the feminine, but I don't see her embodying and living eros from the inside, thus not fully accessing feminine wisdom (which is most likely not hers to do in the world).

What we stand for in the field I am in with Lovisa’s Awakening Feminine Leadership, alongside other integrated women’s paths, is a feminism that integrates pro-male feminism AND includes Eros (the true feminine). If the first waves of feminine politics has been about standing for compassion, idealism and change - integrated, pro-male - pro-eros feminine politics stands for compassion that leads to truth, idealism that is deeply pragmatic, and most importantly change that is fuelled by eros (further elaboration on this below*).

In this moment of history, humanity finds itself in the midst of a paradigm shift. As I’ve shown in my Lifeforce Leadership map; in the onset of any new cycle, in this case a new societal cycle, the essential leading forces need to be Holding Masculine and the Creative Feminine.

I view the "right-wing masculine" as embodying the Holding Masculine; and even though I personally primarily identify as “left-wing” I can still pragmatically see how crucial the Holding Masculine is in the initial phase of building the digital era society and that it is the strong, grounded force of the Holding Masculine that stands as the only viable counter to the dark, fundamentalist, and authoritarian forces that otherwise threaten to dominate the world. However, the vital difference what makes the Holding Masculine fundamentalist and authoritarian, or constructive and honorable - is if he in acting acts in service of the creative feminine, in service of Eros, or not.

This is precisely why our pro-honorable male, pro-woman as eros stance is so needed in these times. We hold an immensely significant role in bringing back Eros into the world, which is what will call in the honorable Holding Masculine to hold the container for the new and stand up against dark, authoritarian forces, rather than be part of creating them.  

We need to bring in eros as the true feminine into the various rising men's movements, and as our “feminism” is built on a deep love and respect for men, my experience so far has shown they are open to dance. Which of course also is quite simply explained by the fact that eros is irresistible ❤️‍🔥

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*Following Lovisa’s path and dedicating my life to the feminine for years, in addition to recent exploration with Heather Watts and Adriana Forte, this is my current best take on defining the true feminine essences. Essences that have been suppressed for hundreds of years and that we are now awakening in our bodies and reclaiming in integrated women’s paths.

Eros – our erotic intelligence; owning, leading and calling in life with our sacred sexual energy and lifeforce

Mystos – our mystic intelligence; owning our ability to perceive the interconnectedness of all things and from this wisdom hold an inspiring vision of unity, while understanding that any narrative we create is, in essence, just that—a narrative that can never fully encapsulate the ever-evolving, interconnected reality.

Nomos – our natural intelligence; our ability to access a natural and innate knowing of what is true, of where we are in the cycle, of what will create more life and of what needs to die.

First kind of feminism: Pro-feminine - anti-male feminism:

Compassion (without owning Nomos, natural intelligence) - alleviate suffering, with the shadow of victim culture identity politics (protect the weak from the evil men)

Idealism (without owning Mystos, mystic intelligence) - strive for utopia - with the shadow of virtue signalling as well as platonic, naive wishful thinking and getting stuck in an endless loop of striving (the men are never good enough)

Change (without owning Eros, erotic intelligence) - fear based fixing of what is broken, with the shadow of the reactionary stance; fix the broken evil men

Integrated feminism: Pro- woman as divine Eros - Pro-male as honorable masculine

Integrated feminism is a feminism from women who have been initiated into their true feminine essence, power and intelligence.

Compassion (based in Nomos) - use compassion to be able to be with pain, so that ultimately, you reach more truth. This includes standing up against dark forces, sometimes the most compassionate thing to do is to step into Kali.

Idealism (based in Mystos) - strive for utopia informed by deep mystic wisdom, but also have the pragmatism to know that we will never get there and that that is also not the point; the feminine mystos fills our visions and guides our ethics with deep inspiration and connection with the myscelium of the world, but as soon as we speak out the truth of mystos it will only be a map of the truth, not the land itself. Also do not strive for idealism, to be perceived as a “good person”, but because again you are in service of truth. Rather dare to stand outside of what everybody else thinks as good, if it feels more true.

Change (based in Eros) - rather than the collapsed holding feminine mother of trying to fix and stop evil forces (evil men), call in the constructive honorable forces through eros. Change that is irresistibly seduced in and called in ❤️‍🔥

Sex, Money And Power In A Decentralized World

It has been a lush ride since I last wrote, including a summer of writing, a spiritual new years at Burning Man and a dive down the philosophical rabbit hole at the first Intellectual Deep Web retreat in France.

Among many insights, one of the biggest is that one way to frame what is lacking postmodern/green initiatives is the ability to ride with energies of sex, money and power. In the industrial world these energies have been coming out in sexist, toxic and extracting manners. So the natural counter reaction has been to suppress or even ban their existence in organizations and leadership. But as we all know, the more you suppress something, the more it tends to jump out of our shadows. And fundamentally sex, money and power are right in the essence of human’s drives and our potential. Thus, the true path forward is not to make these topics and energies taboo but to learn how to artfully navigate them and constructively unleash the creative energy that lies within them.

I realize that this is the reason for my deep excitement when I found both Lovisa and Tom’s work. Lovisa’s work is all about navigating the sexual energies and unleashing the polarities of the masculine and feminine. Tom’s work with Source holds so many of the keys in how to artfully navigate and creatively tap into power, as well as the deep work around artfully working with money. Combined they really support leaders and initiatives in tapping into the creative potential needed to realize ideas in the emerging network world, without getting stuck in the pitfalls of both industrial machine-like leadership and family-like postmodern leadership 🔥

Lastly I want to share this deeply touching conversation that Lovisa and I recorded some weeks ago. We invited Erik and Andreas to share their experiences of meeting awakened feminine women. Listening to the healing and mutual empowerment that is possible between men and women makes me want to make love to the universe.

With love,

Fanny

Some highlights from last year

During last year it really fell into place for me how working with Source, Fractal.work and Feminine and Masculine leadership all are different lenses and approaches to the same evolved level of leadership and organizing. With that, Lifeforce leadership has grown from a model explaining the four masculine and feminine polarities to an entire approach of leadership, project management and business and org strategy. I absolutely love taking everything I have learned so far and creating a coherent approach for how to bring in integrity, power and lifeforce into building organizations that are deeply in service of the vibrant feminine through a powerful and grounded masculine.

I did five Lifeforce leadership courses, two for women; Leading as Lifeforce, and three for men; Leading with Power and Integrity.

In the courses I explain how all thriving systems have a strong triad of the holding masculine, creating masculine and the feminine. In Leading as Lifeforce I teach women how to stand in the feminine in business as well as collaborate with both the holding masculine and the creating masculine. In Leading with Power and Integrity I teach men how to stand in the holding masculine and lead in service and in collaboration with the feminine as well as how to collaborate with the creating masculine. “Teaching” doesn’t quite feel like the correct word as these fields truly are emerging (or being re-remembered) in the cutting edge of business - I am learning as much from the participants' lived experiences as they are learning from me. It truly is a wild ride and such a lush exploration.

I have been doing the courses upon invitation but I will probably do another round of open courses for both men and women. So if you are interested in joining the next one, let me know.