When your heart is too tired for Eros

This past week, I’ve been feeling the existential pain of the world more strongly than usual. At the same time, I’ve had some intense weeks, deeply in life, with my partner and friends, and I’ve slipped into a familiar pattern for my highly sensitive soul: overusing my heart.

This isn’t a new place for me, but today a new way of relating to it emerged during my inquiry with Hannah.

My usual medicine for almost everything is tuning into my jewelforce—the alchemizing power of eros. Not as a way to gloss over difficult feelings; those familiar with my work know that eros can only arise from being true with what is. Rather, bringing eros into the darkness of pain is like bringing a warm, guiding light—helping you actually dare to meet the pain, instead of getting stuck in superego loops that hover above it.

But for this specific state of a stretched, tired heart, eros doesn't work. Because eros is so deeply intertwined with the heart, trying to move through pain with it in this state only adds more activity for the heart to cope with.

What Hannah and I realized is that there’s a different, more potent movement: leaning into my black panther and black jewel. When I do, it feels as if she comes to stand beside and around my heart, both protector and companion, leaning into the world for me while my heart rests and recovers.

This realization was profound. I can keep engaging with the world and my work through my black panther rather than either collapsing into my super ego (who wants me to retreat) or trying to source eros from a weary heart.

There is so much wisdom in the feminine waiting to be uncovered and lived. So here I am, leaning into my work and into the world, fueled by my black panther. She may not be as fully seductive as my eros and glitterfrequency, but she is fierce — and she knows this work is profoundly important and truly epic.